Matt --- I really liked Waking Life, but that might be because it reminded me of one long conversation with with my friend Amberly, who talks like the characters in the movie. One thing that interested me about the movie was that there is a whole scene where the characters kept making references to conversations that didn't happen in Waking Life, but in one of the filmmaker's past films. Usually I hate stuff like that, but in this movie I think it worked. It built backstory for those that had seen the other film, but fit so seamlessly that my friend, who also watched Waking Life but never saw the other movie, didn't feel like she missed anything. And that was really random and I have no clue why I'm still typing.

Okay. More later.
1:49 PM )|( Courtney Douglas of the Moonrisen.

Thursday, September 26, 2002
Let me just put the warning out now: this is a long entry. My procrastination and longwinded nature have given you a novel. If you don’t care (and I know you don’t, but I have just a much a right to post as anyone else here), then don’t read on.

I feel if I put this off any longer than a) I'm only gonna lose more sleep and/or b) you’ll have no idea who this stranger person is and why he is posting on this blog.

So I'm here. At Oberlin. You may be wondering what took me so long to write. I apologize for the delay. Things haven't exactly been...easy. I didn’t exactly know how to put things. I felt I ran a severe risk of depressing the fuck out of those who read about my feelings. Furthermore, I’m a bit hesitant about posting my thoughts to others, but I guess I need to learn a little self-restraint anyway (I started off an essay today with the hook “Imagine your dead realitives caught you masturbating.” The truth of the matter is that I've basically disconnected myself from all of my friends back home. I disconnected because I knew that they were all having a great fucking time at college while I sat here and...well...I still can't go into it. I'm not trying to be melodramatic, but I don't want to admit my status. But the longer I delay contact, the more of a fading memory I become, and I certainly don’t want that.. I seem to be having enough trouble proving I exist here, so I don’t need to keep trying to prove my existant to those who already know me to some degree or another. I guess I'm just pissed because I'm in a predicament where I hate my friends for being happy and have no one to blame buy myself for my misery. And in all honesty, I'm not that miserable. But I'm definitely not in a good place.

I guess if I want to start telling you about life around here I should start with telling you about my roommates, because I know that will amuse you [NOTE: this is all from an earlier writing so some of the facts may lack reference. I’ve tried to put in as much info as possible to clarify].

I guess I'll start in the order that I met them in person. Eric was here when I arrived (although they had not yet opened the dorms yet). Eric informed me that he and John (roommate 2 of 3) decided between themselves that they would share one of the rooms which would place me with the elusive Santiago (the roommate that no one had been able to get in contact with). But before I move on to Santi (as he likes to be called), I'll tell you about Eric. Well, Eric isn't as die-hard study as he once claimed he would be. In fact, he's borrowed quite a few of my DVDs (he currently has Requiem for a Dream, A Fish Called Wanda, O Brother, Where Art Thou?, and Memento). But listen to this shit: Eric's girlfriend from Philadelphia, Susan, not only goes to this school, but she's in the same dorm. Needless to say, she's over quite frequently. Thankfully, she's a sweet girl and they're pretty cute together, but not to the point where it makes you sick. Eric's also real big on comics as he plastered his room with posters of superheroes. I really didn't get to put up many of my posters a) the lack of wallspace due to cabinets, closets, and windows and b) because the walls are made out of cement. I bought some poster-tack and I'm praying that it won't fuck up the posters. Anyway, Eric's a nice guy and he takes one of the classes I have (although not at the same time of the day) which is Form, Style, and Meaning in Cinema. He comes to me with questions and apparently my roommates see me as some film guru, which I know, unfortunately, isn't true.

So after Eric informed that he and John would be rooming together, I was quite apprehensive. When I first saw (not met, but saw) Santiago (I knew it was him because I saw him picking up his room key and he had to give his name) I didn't think I would like him. He reminded me of Elias Spartas and I fucking hated that kid. He seemed too-fucking-cool and someone who's life revolved around parties. Well I was wrong, and Santi turned out to be a helluva cool guy. Santi's in the double degree program which means he's in the Conservatory (he plays classical guitar) and he's in the normal Arts & Sciences program. He's got a heavy courseload of about 17 hours a week (which is the max amount of hours a double degree student can have. For us mere Arts & Sciences students, it's 16. I take 14, the recommended number of hours). Santi uses a lot of slang from California which I find highly amusing. He uses words like hella-[attach word here], dope, and sick. Santi also has a fake ID which enables him to buy as much liquor as he (or anyone who asks him) desires. I'll get back to the liquor later. Santi also has a girlfriend named Heather back in California. If I remember correctly, she goes to the University of Santa Barabra. She calls pretty often because her college hasn't started yet (they start late September, I believe). Santi also has a penchant for bidis, but he ran out and has currently been scouring the internet to buy some more. Also, Santi is a big Christian Slater fan so last week I watched True Romance and Heathers.

Finally, we come to John. John is a really nice guy, but rooming with him is like rooming with a black woman. When he talks on the phone he talks quite loudly (fortunately the doors do a good job of blocking out noise). He has a penchant for telling people to "Go to sleep, ho" when they begin to annoy him. John is also quite gay. Not flaming, but still quite gay. Eric and I were watching The Big Lebowski in his room and John asked if we minded if he checked out some gay porn. I somehow answered with a stuttering "sure, why not?" (other than the one-hundred reasons that popped into my head). John also came into my room one night and told Santi and I that we were missing out because we hadn't read this book he was reading. He handed us the book and it was a collection of gay erotica short stories called His2 with two men holding each other on the cover. I told him I thought I would somehow go on living without reading that book. I know that I've ragged on John quite a bit up til now, but in all truth, John is a stand-up guy. He's incredibly friendly and he also frowns on Santi and Eric's (but especially Eric's) excessive drinking. Furthermore, John has a car and he's been more than willing to drive my ass places. Just last week he took me to Best Buy to pick up the Monsters Inc. DVD. However, John's having a car also has a downside. John's cousin Ivy goes to Oberlin as well and when she wants the car, she wants the car. I think she called five times in the span of two hours to ask if John was around or not. But the worst was a couple weeks ago. It's about 8 in the morning (and mind you, this was Yom Kippur so there was no school and thus, we could sleep in) and the phone rings. No one else is picking it up so I drag myself out of bed, go into the living room and answer it. It's Ivy saying that John told her she could borrow the car at this hour and that she would be over in five minutes. Again, I delievered a befuddled, "sure, yeah, whatever..." and then waited five minutes until she came over and knocked on our door.

So all my roommates are really nice guys and there is no bad blood between any of us (although there may be some developing between Eric and John, but I don't know enough about that so I won't go into it). But I don't connect with a single one of them. For starters, all three are musically inclined (I forgot to mention that Eric is an expert Cello player and John, for those of you not keeping score, is a singer in the Conservatory). Additionally, all three have social skills. Eric and Susan are always together, John is always chatting it up with someone, and Santi could get along with just about anyone. I, well, I stand alone (what else is new). Of course, I think I've reached a new plateau of loneliness. At times, these people don't even acknowledge my existence. I try to enter into conversations and they literally ignore me. It isn't like I'm whispering. I speak in my normal talking voice and they go right on talking as if I were a fucking abberation. Sometimes when I sit down to join a conversation, they just stop talking and then remember some shit they had to go do. Now I know you can't expect your roommates to be your best friends, but it adds to the knowledge that this isn't home. That things here don't click with me. I know that adjustment takes time, but that just brings me back to my original anger: everyone else has already adjusted.

I told you I'd get back to the liquor thing so here it goes. A good place to start would be with the "Big Fucking Party". There were flyers around the school advertising for said Big Fucking Party and Santi, Eric, Dan (a nice guy who lives on the third floor), and I decided to go. Now usually, I wouldn't go to a party like this, but I was desperate to make some friends, and even more desperate to meet attractive members of the opposite gender (which now realize that I have a better chance at winning the bronze in female gymnasitcs than this happening). Well we get there and not only do I lose six dollars out of it (it was three a piece but I had to pay for Eric cause he didn't have his wallet on him), but I instantly know I’m going to hate it. We all go inside and suddenly Dan and Santi just dissapear. So Eric and I are just in shadowy area of this small backyard where this party is taking place. Eric pulls out a bidi (one Santi gave him) and starts smoking. Now, I'll admit that the guy in the corner smoking a cigarette has an aura of cool around him. However, the guy hacking and wheezing next to him does not. After about ten minutes we find Santi and he, Eric, and I decide to bail. Santi uses his fake ID to get some beers and we go back to the room. Dan shows up later and between them they have about four beers a piece.

A week later I get back to the dorm after watching Waking Life (avoid it like the plague) and out of 17 Killian's Red, Santi has had five, Dan has had five, and Eric has had seven. This would be a good point to mention that Eric is a sloppy drunk. Later that night he puked in the one of the girl's bathroom sinks. That's our tale of how these people love booze and I just find them all the more boring because of it.

I won’t even go into how much I hate the film club here. My complaints are long and in-depth and I know you could fucking care less.

Now for my classes (If you're still reading this I bet you're wondering when this is going to end. To tell you the truth, I don't know myself). I have four classes: Greek History, American Cinema, Japanese History, and Form, Style, and Meaning in Cinema. The teachers of the first three are all quite humorous. My Japanese History teacher is also my advisor, Mr. DiCenzo. He had a great quote in class one day. The situation was that our required textbooks still had not arrived at the bookstore yet and the salespeople were being quite rude. So he simply said "Well I'll go down there and if she's rude to me I'll simply terminate her existence." To me, that was pretty fucking cool. My teacher for Form, Style, etc. isn't funny and not a very good teacher, but she's a nice lady. My classes are interesting but they're no cakewalk, especially American Cinema. To get an A, the teacher wants you to (and I'm not making this up) think about how you think and what it means to think as you do. To me, that is some bullshit. Also, it seems like (at least in my film classes) that either I'm the only smart one and everyone else is an idiot, or I'm the dumb one and everyone else is intellegent. I have a sinking feeling it's the latter. The work hasn't become very strenuous yet, as I've found myself with an equal amount of work time and free time. Instead of going out and meeting people (I tend to eat my meals with Santi, but if he's not around, I eat alone), I've been renting and watching The Sopranos and various movies. It's a good show, but not even close as good as The West Wing (then again, I've only watch a season and a half of The Sopranos thus far).

This is pretty much me at Oberlin. It’s been about a month and I have no real friends and I think I’ve spent about less than 10 minutes total talking to women. But now that I’ve signifigantly depressed you, you are free to go about your life.
10:40 PM )|( Grey Ghost of the Moonrisen.



Blogger notes: Fiddled with blogger. Fixed blog links so that the email address is now clickable. Amanda still hasn't joined, but I don't know why x.x I plan on contacting Liz and Sophie if someone can give me their numbers, and I'll get them to join.

Me: What was that noise?
Mr. Turnock: What noise?
Me: You know x.x That beep. Something just beeped.
Mr. Turnock: No it didn't >.>
Me: Yes, yes it did >.>
Mr. Turnock: It's all in your head Martha...::makes strange faces at me::
Me: If my GPA didn't depend on you, I'd pelt you with felt tipped markers >/
Mr. Turnock: ::hits me with a yard stick::

I'm writing you in between a horribly depressing documentary on the senoritas extraviatas of Juarez, Mexico, and another ebullient evening with the swing club. Thus is my life up here. I have been a very busy woman, but not without significant personal improvements and whatnot. Sure, I vascillate between procrastinating like a true slacker and working like a madwoman, but overall I seem to have stabilized far better than previously anticipated. Highlights of my life here? Simple enough.

Evan: my momentary eye candy, otherwise identified as the TJU - Tall, Jewish, and Unattainable - creature that bears a frightening resemblance to Tobey Maguire and wants little to do with me as far as I can tell. It's been a relationship of stops and starts... but I'm trying not to obsess over it, even if it does keep me from dwelling on Will. Ugh. Too complicated - call me if you want that puzzle sorted out.

Matt: Don't know whether he's a highlight or the bane of my existence - perhaps I just find him amusing because he marches into my room and tells me what an arrogant, conceited, condescending bitch I am while proceeding to spend every possible moment with me. Hmmm. He reminds me very much of someone we know and love in the early years. Michi, surely you remember what this was like? It's an amusing situation, if nothing else.

Flamenco: Holy shit, this is my new favorite dance. Don't be surprised if when you see me next, I carry castanets and insert Spanish phrases in between my sentences. I swear that my flamenco teacher is rubbing off on me. Could be worse - anyways - I'm feeling right accomplished, and it simply adds to my personal satisfaction of going to the gym almost every day. Good for me. [not like it's doing anything - but I keep it up, anyhow]

Linguistics: well, not quite - but apparently due to my accent, people up here think I'm a freak. Y'all should have known that already, so I'm just not going to elaborate. No reason whatsoever.

David: My R.A. Is a bunny. Reminds me desperately of Shawn. I'm frightened. -.-

The school itself is ridiculously like Galloway - I feel at home, but I miss y'all. There's more to all of these stories, and different ones besides... all you have to do is drop me a line. Talked to Sophie a while back - she's happily joined a sorority and was last seen auditioning for Ophelia in Hamlet. Being called back, I might add.

Gotta run, but I love you - and CALL ME. My cell still functions. XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX
6:12 PM )|( angealnagael . of the Moonrisen.